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Roll Over, Little Samurai, The Lexus GX 460 Is Here!

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On: Thu, Apr 15, 2010 at 7:35PM | By: John Welch

Roll Over, Little Samurai, The Lexus GX 460 Is Here!

I was reading this article in Consumer Reports this one time; I had been in the market for a new blender for several months. Being of small mental stature, I just couldn't make up my mind. CR instructed me to specifically avoid the blender named "The Furnace Blast-O-Matic" but the packaging was just sooo damn intriquing . . . I bought the most expensive Blast-O-Matic I could find.


Wouldn't you know it; CR alleged that the Blasto-O-Matic had a faulty wiring system and would throw sparks from its blades at any speed higher than "frappe". Lo, they were correct, and now I am rebuilding my kitchen and having work done to the houses' foundation. Sum . . . bitch.


Ever since that fateful blender incident I have taken Consumer Reports at their word. They say a new Lexus model, the GX 460, might be a bit tippy in the turns. Might bob and weave a little too much for the average Soccer Mom's driving skill set. Might just go "turtle", and kill all the little munchkins inside. Important news, assuming this isnt a Toyota Witch-Hunt . . .

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration receives periodic alerts from media outlets such as Consumer Reports. These "warnings" give the NHTSA and the automaker in question a heads-up regarding safety concerns, among other things. On Tuesday morning, NHTSA in-boxes nationwide were lit up by a scathing review of the new Lexus GX 460. Apparently, this dog will roll over, prompting the NHTSA to open their own investigation. What fun; doing everything you can to roll sixty thousand dollars worth of Kabuki SUV!

The magazine was pretty clear in its assessment of the big Lexi's buoyancy: Consumer Reports said the electronic stability control system kicked in late on a sharp curve and gave the vehicle a "non-acceptable" rating. Remember the good ole days? There once was a time in America when the common man knew better than to play Juan Fangio with an eight foot tall vehicle . . . okay, maybe such a time never existed, but traction control wasn't always an option, and my Pop Pop never complained when he lost hunting dogs to incidents involving lurid power slides and open rear-hatches. He just got another dog. Like a real man.

So, are we confirming a Witch-Hunt? Eh, not yet, but if the only thing wrong with the Lexus is tardy throttle-cut intrusion, then this story is being blown out of proportion for sure. Toyota is not in the business of killing us, just in case you were wondering. They hired some real Dicks (Inaba, please stand up), but the company as a whole is committed to providing you with safe, efficient transport. Nothing that has happened in the last six months is nearly as egregious as control arms made from balsa wood (Chevy Corvair) or C4 transmissions that don't transmit anything (every Ford from 1980 to 1991). Toyota has suffered some hard times recently, and it's my opinion that maybe, just maybe, CR was testing a pre-production model who's ECU was fully production ready. Last minute re-calibrations . . . whadduh bitch.

I ain't fittin' tuh throw down money on a GX 460, but that's just me. If you need a large, stylish SUV that isn't impossible to park, the GX is worth a second look. Consumer Reports could be completely correct; it might be a death trap. Then again, they could be dirty media-whores like the rest of us. Only time will tell.

Notice anything different about the 'Shopper Blog? We have new writers and our old crew (this effer is still in its infancy, we're aware) is pumping out new material everyday. We ain't AOL, but then we ain't going out of business either. Watch for new perspectives, new ideas, and an ever-evolving Auto Shopper Blog. We actually do produce this blog for our health (mine, anyway) and we will have a full update on changes and new additions, tomorrow. Peace out, bitches . . .


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