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Fort Lauderdale City Commission To Sign Pact With Dr. Evil

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On: Thu, Jan 21, 2010 at 1:59PM | By: Clay Ritchings

Fort Lauderdale City Commission To Sign Pact With Dr. Evil

Elected officials on Fort Lauderdale's City Commission will vote tonight to formally approve and set up red light camera enforcement and cement their pact with Dr Evil. Apparently Dr Evil has come out of his deep freeze and started up his evil empire. Problem is that evil empires need cash flow and since his Alan Parsons project failed, he started a dastardlier plan to make money. . . hence the birth of Red Light Cameras

With Dr. Evil’s help the city hopes to make $1.8 million a year from the ticketing, and that's after giving Dr. Evil $28 for every citation written. The car owner gets a $125 fine. Rumors have it that on a second offense you will be tossed into a tank with sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! After all, don’t all animals deserve a warm meal?

Evil Enterprises, inc., much like the devil, goes by many names: Redflex Traffic Systems, American Traffic Solutions, and many more. Evil Enterprises has very persuasive silver-tongued salespeople working for them because somehow they talked local politicians into changing the laws so that they forgo the whole due process nonsense and “innocent until proven guilty” garbage and made the offenses non-traffic violations. Now the autonomous cameras can rack up tickets for such heinous violations as “making a right on red”, not stopping for a full three seconds, and the worst violation “your bumper going over the stop line”.

Cities like Lakeland, Florida have decided to embrace the dark side and spend more than $56,000 from the pot of red light camera fines to build a lair for Dr. Evil and Evil Enterprises to help collect money from people confused about their violations. There they will help the people by separating them from their hard earned money and giving them a swift kick in the ass out the door. . . ”Have A Nice Day”

Evil Enterprises has spread to over 400 communities in 26 states, and the District of Columbia. Last year, Maine, Mississippi, and Montana banned Evil Enterprises, Inc. red light cameras; they now have been joined by other states like Nevada, New Hampshire, West Virginia, and Wisconsin, which also outlawed the cowardly scourge. Senators in Missouri and Tennessee have also supported legislation, which would limit the cameras. I suspect that election time is coming or the cash cow has gone dry.

Who among you will fight the evil scourge? The answer is everyone. History shows us that if the cameras do not make money, they will immediately flee to safety in a prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there…Drive safely, and if you fall prey to one of these cycloptic ticket vendors, do not pay the ticket and watch them hit a self-destruct button


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