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NAIAS, New Models, And A Rant On Grammar, GM Edition

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On: Thu, Jan 14, 2010 at 12:46PM | By: John Welch

NAIAS, New Models, And A Rant On Grammar, GM Edition

America has been throwing around the word "Reveals" as if, well, it were an actual word. It isn't; stop that. There aren't any "Hawt New Reveals" coming from the North American International Auto Show, namely because there is no such thing as a "reveals". My ass is puckering just thinking about the first guy who was trying to put together a montage for a LOST commercial and decided the voice-over would include the phrase "Stay tuned this season for shocking reveals" . .. he should be shot, whoever he is. I thought "Newspeak" was the silliest concept ever, the first time I read 1984. Then I watched American televison. And I heard "melty". And I heard "reveals". And now I'm wondering if my TV is watching me while I sleep . . .

Enough of that! There are cerraazzzeee new cars coming to market, and the 'Shopper has your short list of vehicles to watch in 2010 and beyond. First up, the mighty (sic) General Motors . . .

Cadillac: Oh sweet ever-loving merciful Vishsus, . . . or Jesnu, whichever, Cadillac just keeps squirting homeruns out of the CTS's architecture. Feast your eyes on the CTS-V coupe, American design at its finest. I can definitely see that this car might not mash everbody's buttons like it does mine, but not everybody knows how to tie their shoes. The lines are crisp and fresh, it's just the right size, it has an LSA supercharged V8 crammed between its beefy shock towers. This car is for me, but winning the lottery is also "for me". Sigh.

The XTS Premium Concept is not the right size for me, but then it isn't intended for me at all. What it is is this: A savagely sideways departure from the late-Eighties on malaise that Cadillac has pushed on us, the XTS looks to be an interesting executive land-yacth. If they can keep quality high without getting into high- 5 Series price ranges, the XTS should be another hit for GM.

There was also less-than-muted talk of the CTS-V Sport Wagon we so openly pined over in November of 2009. Combine the raw, animalistic nature of the CTS-V and CTS-V Coupe with the utility of a wagon. How could this possibly fail? Well, mostly, because the people who can afford a CTS-V Sport Wagon but want an RS6 are going to buy a Mercedes GL. That's the backwards way in which American minds work, and hopefully, it doesn't jump up and bite Caddy in the ass. Omigawd, I want the CTS-V Coupe, but I will commit some sort of lurid crime to get my hands on a CTS-V Sport Wagon, it's just that sweet . . .

Publicity video for the CTS-V Coupe. It's, uhm, odd . . .

. . . And the XTS Platinum. This one might cause some motion sickness . . .

Chevrolet and Buick: The big news from these two subsidiaries was covered in last week's "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly" . . .

GMC: How on earth was GM planning on making GMC anything more then rebadged Chevrolets? Which is what they have always been. That was worth keeping over Pontiac? I swear, they must get some awesome 'Sherm' up there in Detroit.

So what has GMC been up to exactly? Well, there is the Terrain, which is an Equinox, only uglier. And then there is . . . uhm . . . not much.

The GMC Acadia gets its own 'Denali' package for 2011. Seriously, who cares? The front fascia looks 'tacked-on' at best and the rest of the vehicle is far from what I'd term 'sporting'. Sigh, even with all the good things GM is doing they just can't help themselves . . . Better luck next year, GMC . . .

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RoadKill | 3:54PM (Thu, Jan 14, 2010)

cross company re-badging..why didn't I think of that?

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