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Danica Finally Signs With Dale Jr/NASCAR

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On: Wed, Dec 9, 2009 at 5:11PM | By: John Welch

Danica Finally Signs With Dale Jr/NASCAR

So, it was bound to happen. Now that it has, are there any surprises in store for us? Any morsel of information surrounding Danica Patrick's "move" to the Nationwide Series (I hate the word "move" in this context; she's still racing the entire IRL season, you goof-balls!) that hasn't been leaked, dredged or milked in the last three days to four weeks? Naw, not really.

The 'Shopper tries to avoid NASCAR, if at all possible, and this is one of the reasons why. There is no mystery. There is no suspense. Just an example: Audi announced the R15 in July of 2008, yet no one saw a prototype until January of 2009, a week before its Sebring debut. See that NASCAR Press?! Intrigue! Something to freaking ponder! Another example: Every Formula One team has been working on new cars for the 2010 season for several months. Other than the pictures Lotus has displayed on their half-assed website (images which appear to depict the Force India car . . .), none of these machines have been leaked to any news outlet or private citizen. And these examples focus on the cars actually being driven, not the future plans of a certain human being behind the wheel.

So, we all knew Danica was coming, and now here she is. Whoopdeediddledoo . . .

So how on earth am I going to spin the less-than-surprising news that Danica is joining JR Motorsports for a limited 2010 schedule into something entertaining? How about some highlights from Danica's career. Calling them "highlights" might be a stretch; how about "Things Danica has done on camera that JD finds amusing" . .. lights. Yeah, that works . ..

Classic Milka/Danica show-down. Danica may come off as the jerk-bag in this situation, but she is 100% correct. Milka Duno is not a good race car driver. At all.

"Don't tear down the cones, Baby . . ." If she heard you say that she'd jack you right in the mouth, you goofy IRL talking-head nobody . . . Uh-oh, she's rubbing off on me . . .

yikes . . . it's just dawning on me that these videos have almost nothing to do with actual racing .. .meh . . .

Danica has won a major race, the 2008 Indy Japan 300 at Twin Ring Motegi. A fuel mileage-win, but a win none the less.

Ok, so, NASCAR then. Yaa-hoo.

. .. now that's how you know you've made it! Embarrassing yourself on a nationally-run late-night talk show! Someone explain to me how she rolls the window up on Kimmel's head without opening the door or possessing the key-fob? Hhhhmmm, she's magic!

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