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Captain Slow Tells It Like It Is

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On: Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 6:05PM | By: John Welch

Captain Slow Tells It Like It Is

We have provided links to Jeremy Clarkson's articles in the Times Online before, but he isn't the only Top Gear presenter who writes a semi-weekly column for a British newspaper.

Good 'ole Captain Slow (a.k.a. James May) scribes his own articles, for the Telegraph. James has a slightly different style, a little more subtle, a little less "car testing" oriented. He explores some interesting subjects, some interesting cars, and does some wildly interesting things.

Your "James May Primer" inside the post . . .

The mastery and use of hyperbole and euphemism is a dying art on these shores, but over in the UK, a complicated diatribe might just mug you in a dark alley after work. It's pretty easy to come by. I like my word-centric societal commentary to be car-oriented, fried, and served with a cup of tea, thank you. James May delivers on all accounts, and his articles have been known to lay waste to entire eight-hour shifts, they're that insightful and addictive. Here are some of my recent favorites:

The Porsche 911 as an artist's muse: Are automobiles art? Are paintings of automobiles art? If a "thing" has a function or utilitarian purpose, can it be considered art? James makes these decisions for you . . .

Old cars a sign of the times: Apparently, in Britain, there happens to be traffic signage depicting cars so ancient that nobody can figure out what these cars are exactly. In the process of disciphering a Vauxhall Vega from a Morris 1100 everyone veers off of the road, crashing into buses, and subsequently killing everyone involved. Strange place that Britain . . .

Car driving end is nigh: Thank Gawd! Now I know I'm not the only rational human being that holds on to two distinct and unpopular beliefs; cars will destroy themselves before they destroy anything else, and bad drivers are growing in numbers, which is going to be the death of us all. James puts it a little more eloquently, but that's the 'Murriken dumbed-down version. Almost every driver has no business being in charge of any 4,000 pound piece of machinery, and their ranks are bolstered daily. Sheesh, just what we all need . . .

The following video provides some insight into just what kind of bad-ass James May really is . . . lots of wine drinking, bovine-penis eating, and cursing; I don't believe I would crank the 'ole Sound Blaster if I was watching this at work, or at a preschool, or at your nephew's Conformation . . .

Now that we are familiar with James's "badassness," let's go ahead and define exactly what "badass" is. This next video, IS badass. No drinking, a bit less cursing, and almost zero bovine-penis ingestion, Ken Block helps James put "badass" into perspective . . .

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