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Hyundai Has A Great November, Audi Celebrates The Entire Year

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On: Thu, Dec 16, 2010 at 11:57AM | By: John Welch

Hyundai Has A Great November, Audi Celebrates The Entire Year

. . . The financial reports keep flowing in. In a time when companies aren't hiring, money isn't being passed around, the rich are getting richer while the poor are becoming more poor (sic), how in the hell have we managed to buy 93,507 freaking Audis this year? Eclipsing the old Audi of North America sales record of 93,506, 2010 has been an excellent year for the brand from Ingolstadt. Seriously, Audis are not cheap; how did America manage to purchase so many of them in this, the year of corporate excuse making? Please, upper-crust America, try not to tell me that you can't afford to rehire laid-off workers from your iPhone at the em-effing Audi dealership. I might not have your booze-soaked University of Phoenix business degree, but I'm not stupid. There isn't anything wrong with your two-year-old A6, it isn't our fault you were too ignorant to get the S6 when you had the chance.

A more sensible collection of Americans (the lucky few who got to keep their jobs, albeit with a significant cut in salary and benefits) have made November the best month ever for Hyundai's North American arm. 40,723 transactions, up 45% over Nov. 2009, show that the Koreans are major players in the US market. They should not be taken lightly. With the introduction of the new Elantra and Equus, Hyundai will probably stay strong through the historically weak months of December and January. Who knows, maybe if I were to see more executives driving the Equus I might shelve my daily penchant to drag one of these greedy Birkenstock wearing thieves out of their car and forcefully point their beady eyes at the turn arrow they are ignoring in favor of their phone. You might not have to be anywhere on time, Pig Dog, but I'm late for work. The AutoShopper is way more important than your mobile phone-based bank robbery . . . maybe I should just find a new route in the morning . . .

"This is truly an historic moment for Audi as the brand continues on its established course to become the most successful premium brand in the U.S. and globally," said Johan de Nysschen, President, Audi of America. "Setting a new sales record reflects on the exceptional work done by the Audi team and our dealer partners. But credit for this achievement also belongs to the American premium car consumer who is choosing the advantages of Audi engineering innovations." Sigh, I wish we were talking about a crappy brand, so that I could transition from the owners to the actual cars. Unfortunately, just like Porsches, VWs, BMWs, and Mercedes-Benzos, the car does not choose its owner, quite the opposite, in fact. I am constantly having this discussion with people who appreciate cars, but not enough to actually learn anything about them.

It usually goes something like this . ..

JD: "OOo00Ooo, loogit that '06 328i with the Sport Package! I like that fascia more then the M3's!"

JD's Typical Metal-Kid CounterPart: "Yeah, who cares. BMW's are for prick-faced rich kids. Look at that guy driving it, I'll bet his Johnson is the size of a thimble."

How do you explain to someone whose only interaction with a BMW, or any fine automobile for that matter, is a lifetime of watching the Polk County Elite buy their excessively spoiled kids, and then hearing these obnoxious little ess-eaters misquote facts about their new toys endlessly? You can't actually; it isn't worth the effort. Never in a million years is that person going to accept a car for its beauty and design prowess. They only see the jerk driving it.

JD: "Yowza, I dig that wingless STi right there! MMmmm and look at the rims! I'll bet that's a fun car . . . "

JD's Typical Metal-Kid CounterPart: "Again, driven only thugabilly goofball rich kids who don't have any taste or sense of humility. Eff him and Eff Subaru too . .. "

How can you argue with that?! He's right! The only people who buy a WRX, new, are the mothers of visor-wearing troglodytes, mothers so over-worked by their sons incessant whining that they will put him in any ricerocket in the hopes that he and the car become intimately familiar with a telephone pole. This leads to people hating the car, not the idiot driving it. I'm all for the proliferation of Audi products; Lord knows we don't need more PT Cruisers. But I don't think that Wall Street needs more of anything, and those are the people buying the Audis. Many of whom aren't even Americans. How do we fix this ridiculous misguided auto-rage? How do we save the sports car from generation after generation of poorly raised American youth and the stigmas they bring with them?

Simple, buy more Hyundais. I could say more Chevys or Fords, but all of the people responsible for Chevys and Fords drive Audis anyway, so eff them and their recently improved cars. The Koreans have been humble, the Koreans have been sensible, and while remaining humble and sensible they have snuck some really enticing cars under our noses. The Hyundai Sonata and it's Kia Optima cousin could be mistaken for those illustrious Audis when viewed from the driver's seat. Plush materials, satisfying buttons, comfy seats, the Koreans seem to have built themselves a proper Passat. At a time when VW is making their own Passat less desirable. Considering the annual sales record that Hyundai has already decimated, selling 493,426 autos so far in 2010, the plucky little (sic) Korean brand has much to show for their continued commitment to offer quality for a value price. Now if we can just convince corporate America to buy Hyundais instead of Audis, and use the savings to give their loyal employees some kind of raise, then all will be right with the world.

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